Sister Mary Elizabeth O’Brien, SNJM
Sister Miriam Charles

May 7, 1922–December 16, 2011 (Los Gatos, CA)

Mary Elizabeth O’Brien was born on May 7, 1922 in Los Angeles, California, the first of six children born to parents Charles Joseph O’Brien and Margaret Edna Gaffney O’Brien. From their example, Mary learned contempt for earthly riches, a trust in the providence of God, and esteem for everything religious. From the time of her birth until she was five, the family not only moved frequently but also grew rapidly. A month after her fifth birthday, her brother was born. Shortly after that they moved to Pasadena to what was to be her home until she entered the novitiate some 12 years later.

The new house was comparatively new and large enough for all. Her parents fixed up the yard with swings and a large doll house the size of a small cabin. Though her father wanted to make the space interesting for the children, he was distressed that the lawn was ruined. Mary recalled having decided to dig a hole to China innocently believing that it was right below her. All the children joined in on the digging so that the hole grew to be huge. They were certain that they had almost arrived at their goal so that if they put their ears down on the ground, they were sure to hear the Chinese. Their mother on learning their exploit did not agree, and when she saw the hole, they were all sent to repair the damage before their father saw it.

As a child, Mary liked climbing things and sometimes jumping off. Once she climbed a tree so that she could reach the high roof. She invited her siblings to join her on the branch, which, of course, broke. Mother saved the branch, and that night father administered their punishment with it. Mary was more ashamed than hurt. Because she was the eldest, she was in charge whenever her mother had to leave. Mary believed she did not have good discipline and sometimes lost her temper. She told her mother about these occasions. If she did not, the other children did so that she could not escape punishment. Her mother would speak to her, and she would feel terrible that she had betrayed her mother’s trust. She described herself as being “docile…obedient both at home and school.” Because she enjoyed the companionship of her family, she did not have any close friends until she was in high school. “As a child I was timid and felt secure only at home or with some other member of my family.”

Religious training in her home was primary. The family frequently went to Mass and received Holy Communion. In fact, it was taken for granted that they go every day during Lent. Often they went every day during summer vacation. Her parents taught them by word, but more by example, that God came first.

Next to her parents she owed a huge debt of gratitude to the Sisters. They were her educators at St. Elizabeth’s in Altadena in 1929, the beginning of the Great Depression. Her father worked as a butcher earning a small salary. Because of the large family, he had a hard time paying the tuition in both her elementary and high schools. If the sister superiors at that time had not been practicing charity towards the poor as Mother Marie Rose strongly recommended, life for Mary would have been entirely different. She, however, dearly loved school and the sisters. When just in the second grade, she was moved up into the third and so was a year younger than her classmates. The challenge of learning was increased making her study harder. Her diligence in this task resulted in her developing good study habits. Because she was very shy and young, she never adjusted socially until she became thirteen and went to St. Andrew’s High School in Pasadena. Within several months she had friends who were also good students. Because she had never learned to dance, she did not attend dances or other social occasions while other students did. She was not unhappy because she felt secure at school within her group and liked to study.

In the summer between her sophomore and junior year, she believed that she had a religious vocation. At first she tried to evade it. One day after receiving Holy Communion, she accepted this most precious gift and promised to enter after high school. Once making that decision she lost interest in anything that she thought was alien to a religious vocation. For this reason she was never interested in boys, dates, and dancing. Her timidity and shyness also prevented this type of contact. The girls with whom she was friendly were all she needed.

Although she did not realize at the time, her mother had been praying that she might have a religious vocation. For a long time her mother gave up meat that God would grant Mary this grace. It was probably because of her mother’s prayers and sacrifices that the grace was given to her. As a child she had devotion to the Blessed Sacrament, a devotion shown by her weekly reception of Holy Communion during the school year and daily during the summer. She always made a special visit to the statue of the Blessed Mother after she went to confession. She felt that the Blessed Mother should take special care of her since she had been given her name.

In 1939, Mary entered the novitiate. Then, as a novice, Sister Miriam Charles was sent on mission to St. Joseph’s School in San Francisco. Again, as a novice, she was sent to Sacred Heart in Oakland. Following her first profession on August 5, 1941, she continued working in elementary schools both north and south. She made her final profession in August 5, 1946.

One of her greatest joys was that her sister, Lucy, became a member of the SNJM community known as Sister Celestine Mary, Cel to her sister. The two were complete opposites in almost everything. Mary loved Cel’s independent spirit, great laugh, and marvelous sense of humor. Cel said that Mary was the “holy one” so refined, proper, and perfect. She admired Mary’s infinite patience and easy acceptance of others. She was a good listener and liked to share a lot.

In 1957 Mary was named superior and principal of St. Ignatius’ School in Sacramento, and over a span of 40 years, Mary was missioned to many parishes, but her favorite ministry was that of Postulant Director. She had a profound love and concern for each young woman. She said that they all were so very generous and eager to discover God’s will for them. She worked to do her very best to ensure their spiritual and personal development. As part of their training she invited the sisters at St. Mary’s School to take them for nightly recreation, walks around the hill, and evening study hall. She sought the advice of Principal Andrew Marie. Many nights they sat together weighing the pros and cons of how best to “form” these spirited young women.

In 1968 Mary transitioned from Postulant Director back to elementary education and administration. In 1979 to 1980, she participated in the Credo Program at Gonzaga University. This life altering experience led her to six years as a volunteer at the East Bay sanctuary Covenant and in an advocacy role helping refugees.

Mary is remembered as a gentle and compassionate woman. A trip to Central America in 1989 affected her deeply as she witnessed poverty and suffering unlike anything she knew existed. When she returned home, the impact of what she experienced made her work even more passionately to improve the lives of those deprived of basic human needs. She wrote and called Congress members, civil leaders, and others she believed could change the systemic problems of the world. She was an influential member of the SNJM Justice and Peace Committee.

In 1993 Mary was invited to return to Los   Gatos to be the leader of the Marian community which she served graciously for three years. She was on the retreat team, a member of the book club, a lector at Mass, receptionist, and, in many other ways a helper to others. In 2005 she herself became a resident in the care center.

Mary always had a deep love for, and devotion to, her family. She spoke lovingly of her nieces and nephews and was sincerely interested in their lives and well being. Her greatest family project was the compilation of the O’Brien family tree that Mary said was like giving birth, except that it took 6 years instead of 9 months. She was fascinated by what she learned about her ancestors, and was grateful for all the assistance she received while “birthing” this great piece of family history. She dedicated the book to Cel.

The personal sorrows and challenges of Mary’s life, the death of her parents and four of her siblings, and family health issues, only served to deepen her trust in God and God’s plan for her. She tried to be positive and gracious in accepting whatever crosses came her way and all the while never losing her quiet sense of humor. During the last six months of Cel’s life, Mary prayed fervently that Cel’s suffering would end. In January, 2006, she went to God. It was a very painful and lonely time for Mary.

In 2011, a group of Mary’s postulants came to the Care Center to visit. The experience touched her heart deeply. She cried when she recounted how surprised and humbled she was to know they loved her so much; it gave her joy and consolation. On December 4, Mary had a celebration of life with as many family members as possible. After a Mass, they had a wonderful luncheon. The décor included a beautiful flowering cactus that her nephew Sean gave her from the family. Mary had a card and time for a short visit for each. She thanked her God for such a family. Her strength had already begun to deteriorate until December 16 when, in the early morning, she went quietly to her God.

Mary had a singular, simple desire—to seek God, love God, and respond to God’s personal invitation, “Come and see.” Not only did she respond wholeheartedly, joyfully, and peacefully to Jesus’ call, but she also influenced many others to respond to their own calls. Many have been touched by this love-filled, strong, and yet, gentle woman whose heart was big enough for all. She was one of those who had the knack of making each person feel special.

On December 21 at 7:15 P.M. in the chapel at Los Gatos, Sister Mary Becker welcomed the congregation of family, sisters, and friends. Father Peter Togni, S. J. presided at the Mass of Resurrection for Sister Mary. Sister Miriam Daniel gave the homily that was followed by Sister Betty Shield who read the intentions. Before the final blessing, Sisters Joan and Patti Doyle reflected on the life of Sister Mary as teacher, administrator, and inspiration in their lives and those of the many young postulants who knew her. After the Mass, there was a reception for family and friends who gathered in the convent dining room to share their stories and thoughts of Sister Mary. The next morning her burial took place at Holy Sepulcher Cemetery in Hayward where Sister Nicki Thomas led the final prayers of departure with the gathered group.

(The preceding obituary was composed using an autobiography and recollections from Sisters Joan and Patti Doyle)